Modern Rules Of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen

You should check out this book “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Review :

● Rule 1 - Accept your child's feelings

Identifying the emotion behind the behavior is the first step toward addressing any problems that behaviour creates. Denying a kid's feelings can create problems. Fundamentally we want someone to listen to us and acknowledge our experience. Which in turn makes us better. Give kids your full attention, do not pretend to be listening, put away other distraction and focus. Even simple confirmation you are listening makes it easier for kids to open up.

● Rule 2 - Instead of punishing encourage corporation

Bad behavior is a problem, not a character flaw. If your response to their misbehaviour makes them feel bad about themself, you have taken the focus off a situation that can be improved and put it on something a lot more complicated. Punishments create more problems in their behaviour. Use descriptions rather than declarations. Example instead of saying " you better not throw that water on the floor", try to say "I see a lot of water on the floor".

● Rule 3 - Encourage autonomy

Encourage them to try doing things for themselves. Do not rush to answer their questions. Complex questions are an opportunity to explore something. Ask them why they asked and what they think. When in a dependent position, people might feel some gratitude but often feel helpless. Allow kids to do things for themselves and learn from their own mistakes. Every small choice gives them a chance to exert control over their own lives.

● Rule 4 - Praise

You can definitely praise too much. Kids need affirmation to build a healthy degree of self-esteem but do not overdo it or they could wind up feeling like the world owes them everything they want. Appreciation opens the door for them to praise and appreciate themselves and recognize their own strength and virtues.

● Rule 5 - Freeing children from playing roles

Freeing someone from playing out roles is complicated, it involves an entire change of attitude and all of the previous skills. With persistent behavior, it takes an act of will not to reinforce the pattern. We are human beings with a great capacity for growth and change.

This book is reviewed by Preethy, teacher at Olympia National School Pune and edited by Janhavi Shinde.

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